Andre Ethier Facts

1. The "chaos theory" states that if Andre Ethier swings a bat in Los Angeles, the force can cause a tornado in Kansas.
2. Andre Ethier threw out Ty Cobb at the plate--twice.
3. Andre Ethier is a natural pitcher; he just finds it more entertaining to throw 100 mph fastballs from 300 feet away rather that 60.
4. Andre Ethier only joined baseball after his career as a professional wrestler. Have you ever heard of Andre the Giant?
5. The most historic blunder in major league history? Buckner? No, it was the Athletics' trade of Andre Ethier for Milton Bradley and Antonio Perez.
6. Andre Ethier, not Ned Colletti, orchestrated the Manny Ramirez deal because he thought he could fix a hole in Ramirez' swing. As a result, Manny has hit over .400 as a Dodger.
7. Andre Ethier's left arm is one third cannon, one third rocket, and one third Jesus.
8. After the Dodgers hit four straight homeruns on 9/18/06, Andre Ethier came up and flied out against Trevor Hoffman. He would have homered had he not been so tired from sleeping with Hoffman's wife.
9. Due to Andre Ethier's incredible range, it has often been suggested that he patrol the outfield alone, with Kemp and Ramirez moving into the infield. This has never happened because Kemp and Ramirez want to watch him work from up close rather than from so far away.
10. JD Drew left for Boston only because he knew Andre Ethier was going to beat him out of a job anyway.
11. Andre Ethier could hit a ball into the Dodger Stadium parking lot in every at bat. He doesn't because he is concerned he might hit one of his 16 Ferraris.
12. Andre Ethier gives swim lessons in the offseason. One of his clients just got back from China with eight gold medals.
13. If you spell out C-H-U-C-K-N-O-R-R-I-S in Scrabble, you may win forever, but if you spell out A-N-D-R-E-E-T-H-I-E-R, Chuck Norris LOSES forever.
14. Only once has Andre Ethier made an errant throw. The ball he threw is now recognized as Haley's comet.
15. Jack Bauer fears Andre Ethier.
16. Andre Ethier's jersey number. Take a moment to admire it.
17. A lost episode of "Wonder Twins" showed them saying "Shape of Andre Ethier." It was never run because Andre killed all the bad guys, eliminating all future storylines for the show.
18. The reason Andruw Jones lost his ability to hit is because he is constantly pulling his head off the ball so he can look at Andre Ethier in the dugout.
19. While God rested on Sunday, Andre Ethier played and got four hits.
20. Andre Ethier is a natural right hander, but if he threw right handed, the speed of his throws would break the space time continuum and send him back to the late Triassic period. Andre has an irrational fear of dinosaurs, so he throws left handed.
21. Andre Ethier once beat Andruw Jones in an eating contest. Jones was so embarassed, he faked injury so he wouldn't have to face his teammates.
22. Bob Costas carries a Mickey Mantle baseball card with him at all times. Mickey Mantle carried an Andre Ethier baseball card with him at all times.
23. Andre 3000 of the band Outkast named himself as a tribute to Andre Ethier's lifetime homerun total.
24. As a child, Willie Mays kept a poster of Andre Ethier on his bedroom wall for inspiration.
25. Andre Ethier was originally drafted out of little league, but he declined so he could spend his middle school days inventing penicillin.
26. Although Andre Ethier was born in Phoenix, Arizona, his national monument stands in upstate New York, You may know it as the Hall of Fame.
27. In 2001, Barry Bonds needed a blood transfusion, and Andre Ethier was the only man to volunteer his blood. Bonds hit 73 homeruns that season.
28. Andre Ethier once fired Donald Trump, and then threw him out at home from the right field corner.
29. Alex Rodriguez was going to sign with the Dodgers during the 07/08 offseason, but only if they agreed to trade Andre Ethier so A-Rod could be the star of the team.
30. Barack Obama's alternative energy plan involves harnessing Andre Ethier's tremendous power and converting it to low cost fuel. Andre refuses, however, because he votes Republican.
31. Andre Ethier was the little boy who stuck his finger in the dyke and saved the entire region of Holland.
32. A Honus Wagner baseball card is the most expensive baseball card ever only because if you squint your eyes, you can see Andre Ethier in the background.
33. While playing his college ball at ASU, Andre Ethier hit a 500 foot homerun with a cactus.
34. Ted Williams wanted his body frozen in hopes of one day playing alongside Andre Ethier.
35. When Andre Ethier plays golf, Tiger Woods offers to be his caddy -- for free.
36. Fans don't leave Dodger games early to beat the traffic. They leave early so they don't get struck and killed by an Andre Ethier walk-off homerun.
37. Andre Ethier is currently filing a lawsuit against Dos Equis because HE is the most interesting man in the world.
38. In the last census, 6.5 percent of all Americans registered their religion as Andre Ethier.
39. Andre Ethier could play every position by himself and singlehandedly win the Dodgers a World Series. The Dodgers only put eight other men on the field so Andre doesn't get lonely.
40. Who do you think Waldo has been hiding from all this time? Andre Ethier!
41. Andre Ethier was Mr. Miyagi's guru.
42. During a split squad game in Spring Training, Andre Ethier, playing in Vero Beach, threw out Jose Reyes in Port St. Lucie.
43. When on the road in Arizona, Andre Ethier gets his own private hotel suite. Brandon Webb serves as his butler, housemaid, chef, chauffer, and batting practice pitcher.
44. Andre Ethier is so generous, he allows the opposing pitcher five balls rather than four (True Story).
45. Andre Ethier has announced his intention to play for Mexico in the World Baseball Classic. As a result, all other participating countries have declared a national day of mourning.
46. The Dodgers intend to host an Andre Ethier bobblehead night. The doll will be made of solid gold and stand eight feet tall.
47. Andre Ethier is the best thing since sliced bread. Coincidentally, Andre INVENTED sliced bread.
48. Andre Ethier gave Roy Hobbes batting lessons.
49. The Dodgers' website lists Andre Ethier's full name as "Andre Everett Ethier," when in actuality, it is "Andre will hit at least 800 more homeruns than Carl Everett Ethier."
50. Broadcasters often refer to the "metaphorical" five-run homerun. Andre Ethier will prove that it is no longer a metaphor. In fact, neither is the eight-run homerun.
51. Andre Ethier was told by his coaches that he needed a cup if he wanted to play baseball. Andre now wears the Holy Grail under his pants.
52. The Virgin Mary gave birth to Andre Ethier, but you probably only know of her adopted son.
53. Andre Ethier's given name is Cassius Clay.
54. Andre Ethier is faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. He also bangs Lois Lane every night.
55. Andre Ethier can have your cake and eat it too.
56. When Andre Ethier made a pilgrimage to Mecca, Mecca bowed at his feet.
57. To help the Dodgers retain Manny Ramirez, Andre Ethier will dontate his entire 2009 salary to help build Jaimie McCourt's 42 dream fields.
58. Andre Ethier was one of the students who trotted around the bases with Hank Aaron. Lost tapes of the homerun caught him saying to Aaron "Enjoy this moment because I'm coming for you."
59. Andre Ethier beat Eddie Van Halen in a guitar battle.
60. The Bruce Willis movie 'Unbreakable' is based on Andre Ethier's life.
61. Andre Ethier forced Robert E. Lee's surrender at Appomattox Courthouse to end the Civil War.
62. C.C. Sabathia wants to come to Los Angeles so he never has to pitch to Andre Ethier. He also wants a few pointers from Andre on his curve.
63. Barack Obama has officially announced his selection of Andre Ethier as the United States Secretary of Awesome.
64. Most of the players named in the Mitchell report tested positive for Andre Ethier.
65. Andre Ethier predicted Santa Clara over Arizona in the 1993 March Madness Tournament.

MORE TO COME LATER!